In keeping with my commitment to myself and my journey of finding the positive in all the challenges and learning from every aspect of this journey with pain, lack of oxygen and infections I am choosing to forge a path of gratitude and peace with it all.
The last 9 years of this interesting life path I have chosen with all its lessons and challenges has been a colourful test of character and at times a test of true grit and faith. Believe me I have encountered some crazy things on this journey. I must however admit that never in the past 9 years have I ever been this physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally challenged. The last 4 months have been like being in a washing machine of spin cycle with nails in it.
I know that many people don’t understand the journey I am walking and my spiritual connection and acceptance of what is happening. I have had some people ask me where is my God to heal you when you need him here now? To this I just smile as he is right beside me holding my hand and giving my mind, body and soul the opportunity to understand the blessing of life.
The Native American people say everything is exactly as it should be right now. So while I have been in what I could consider the eye of a tornado assault on my entire being, I have continued to remind myself of the blessings and wonderful things in my world.
The last 16 days has been another roller coaster ride of complicated blockages, inflammations and challenges on my body that literally pushed part of my gut into my diaphragm, compressed my lung and sent my chronic asthma through the roof. To add more fun and games I was 2 days away from my much needed infusion that keeps the relentless pain away for a bit.
Living with Auto Immune diseases means that your immune system thinks that something in your cellular makeup is a bug that needs to be destroyed and attacks it to illuminate it. It is painful, relentless and challenging on a daily minute by minute basis. It is tiring, frustrating and highly annoying on many levels. But as with everything in life it is one of the greatest teachings you can experience.
The last 4 months, I must admit it really put me into a pragmatic frame of mind and gave me a deep insight into our mortality in this lifetime. It has helped me to focus my energy on people and things coming from an authentic space. It has given me an opportunity to take stoke and evaluate who and what I invest my energy into. This has been both eye opening and heartbreaking on many levels but has been a truly necessary part of the journey.
Part of working with something like this is learning to express what you need and when you need it from the people you love. It is also so important as someone living with Chronic Illness, to accept that the people in your life desperately want to help but can’t do anything and feel helpless at times. It important that when they make suggestions or tell you about a miracle drug or regime they have discovered it’s because they have a need to help to do SOMETHING.
I know that I can be intolerable for my loved ones at times as I am frustrated and mourning parts of who I am and what I used to be able to do while still being completely lucid and mentally aware. I tend to pull into myself as I find it harder sometimes to be vulnerable and let people know that I am terrified and feeling at a loss at times. It’s not easy on any level to face
Being a type A, OCD person who is mostly in charge of what goes on in my world living with a combination of auto immune diseases with its myriad of complications has been my greatest most humbling teaching on the true art of surrendering.
So as I start today listening to the sound of gentle rain, I remind myself of all the incredible blessings I have in my life. The access I have to the best medical professionals and the support of some amazing people. To reflect on this is so important as at times the journey seems relentless.
I ask you today to take time to be thankful for all that brings joy into your life and in the exact same way be thankful for the challenges as without both we have no balance or foundation for true perspective.