Today was unfortunately another challenging start with a dreadful asthma attack at 1:30 am followed by 2 sets of nebulizers, oxygen and saline to try and get in top of the spasm in the bronchial area. To say that I am utterly exhausted is probably an understatement. Breathing and being able to breathe is something we all often take for granted I think and it’s only when it’s challenged constantly that it sinks in how necessary it is to life.
Part of what is occurring is that there is a lot of “stuff” that no longer serves my body making its way out after the surgery and in order to get better and get this out, it means coughing and clearing regularly. That all said I am definitely ALOT better than I was and less full of rubbish. (I suppose that remains a matter of opinion cos I am still full of shit)
It no longer feels like a family of 5O are living in my brain and sinuses. I also don’t feel like I am drowning all the time but chest is tight still so unfortunately I shall be in hospital for my birthday.
What I do appreciate is that I really have grown so much from living with this myriad of diseases I navigate on a daily basis. I have learnt the fine skill of Surrendering to what I call the “is-ness”. You see in reality once you let go and surrender to what will be will be you tend to just go with the flow a lot more.
So my mission today is to just surrender to being in the hospital, taking the medication and getting some rest. Birthdays for me are important as they are the celebration of the day you got to land on this beautiful earth and as my mom always says it’s the one day that’s all about you. Tomorrow for me will just be a different version of that and I shall just be in the “is-ness of it all.
I start today with this as my focus. I start my day with gratitude for another day of oxygen and life and I start my day today with my Mom and Sister keeping me company and bringing love, laughter and the most one on one girl time we’ve had in years. That in itself is such a blessing.
So today as you start your day find out what it is that makes your soul smile, what you need to surrender to in your life and just do it. If you don’t let it go it simply doesn’t flow.