So today was the day when I had to go ahead put on my big girl panties and face the dreaded surgery. The anxiety was off the charts from the moment I woke up. And all sorts of things were running through my mind at 100kms an hour. The possibilities of complications for me are so high with what goes on in my body that it was gonna be a tough one it was just a matter of how I navigated the process.
Then my angels started arriving one by one to hold me in a space of love and care throughout the day. I have learnt that angels come in many forms in this world and while my health is a challenge on so many levels the blessings these challenges have brought me are so humbling and give me such great perspective of what true wealth and abundance is.
The love and care from my family And friends is remarkable and having my “Mommy Bear” fly down and be here to hold my hand through this has been incredible. Honestly my mom is really my hero and she just makes everything ok. I am truly blessed with sisters, a brother, nieces, nephews, aunts and all family and friends who love me with such intensity that I am definitely one of the richest people on the planet.
The hospital staff have been something beyond remarkable over the last week on every level with kind smiling people taking care of me at every turn. I have listened to how some people in the other rooms have spoken to these incredible selfless beings and wanted to literally get up and slap them for their rudeness . I have however chosen rather to just make sure I thanked each person who made my day more comfortable and helped me get through it.
Kindness doesn’t cost a thing and I don’t always get it right and can completely be a bitch at times so it is good for me to see what that looks like and be more mindful of my own behavior down the line. If I am to walk a journey of being the change I want to see in the world then I truly need to walk the talk.
The surgery landed up starting later than planned which of course naturally had my anxiety levels up and due to my last experience in a surgery that had very bad consequences I was understandably getting quite worked up. My chest was tight as it is still infected and my breathing was labored which had me worrying.
When the surgical porters came to fetch me they had a big smile on their faces and chatted to me having a gentle understanding nature all the way up. I then met my next angel. The wonderful anesthetist who immediately put me at ease. He was not happy that my chest was stable and made the nurses nebulise me straight away and get my chest open. He methodically listened to my medical challenges and checked everything over and over again and only after 30 more minutes when he was happy with my breathing did we move into theatre.
The next angel then arrived in the form of my surgeon. Again a soft, gentle kind man who put me at ease as he confidently explained what was going to be done and that he would take good care of me. Humble, quietly spoken, lovely man. The surgery turned out to be a lot longer and there was a lot more that needed to come out but all was taken out. What was supposed to be a 40 minute procedure overall landed up being nearly 3 hours
I was then moved to recovery where I met the next angel in my path. The lovely surgical recover nurse who had the job of getting me stabilized and back to the ward. With a surgery like this you have a lot bleeding so they need to slowly get your heart rate down and make sure all vitals are ok. Again juggling the myriad of stuff I have makes these things a little tougher on the medical team as it’s a tightrope of balancing but I had the best at hand I am thrilled to report.
I was very sore at this stage and thank goodness there were some great drugs on hand to take care of that little inconvenience as I then had to have some rather unpleasant plugs taken out and boy oh boy did the battle of blood river begin.
My lovely nurse however had such a great sense of humour that we both had a good laugh and got through it and I headed out of recovery looking a bit like a boxer but at ease and confident that I had truly been held , cared for and treated with complete professionalism.
When I got to my room waiting for me was my amazing mom and step sister with concerned yet relieved faces. They had been sitting waiting for 3 hours so I can only imagine how tough that must’ve have been for them. My other sister and brother who both had to work had been checking in constantly too throughout the day.
I was pretty drugged up at that time but all my OCD clean me wanted was out of the surgical gown into a shower and into a clean bed. Which was exactly what this stubborn headed being did, however for once I just let people help me.
One of my many little quirks in life is I MUST be clean! It is just how it is and that is not ever gonna change. My mom and step sister then let all my lovely friends and family know I was out of the woods and helped me to get the much needed ice packs onto my face and me into my bed.
I hit one challenge when coughed and started hemorrhaging which was pretty scary as it was pretty full on and we all got a fright but then my next angel in the form of my night nurse Mobi came to the rescue he got it under control and explained that we would probably have a few of these through the night but that he has me covered.
So after this rather long winded blog tonight I just wanted to say that Gratitude has been my greatest teaching today.
That the knowledge of how utterly blessed I am in my life has been shown to me at every turn and that kindness, care and love has surrounded me throughout the day. I end my night tonight at peace and with full confidence that I am a very very blessed human being and I am so thankful to every single person who helped me get through this day.
Tomorrow when you start your day and feel challenged in any way, all I can recommend is TRY to find whatever it is you can to be grateful for. It really does make a difference to the impact you have on the world.