Reflection and Gratitude

This morning I am taking time to reflect on how truly amazing the human mind is and how important my faith is. I am on the last stretch (hopefully) of 8 weeks of infections and being in non stop pain.

I am frustrated, annoyed and generally over being sick. It’s exhausting to be in pain constantly and it can be the loneliest journey on the planet. While I am incredibly blessed to have some great friends and family to support me what is most interesting about living this journey is how I choose to just isolate myself and fight this alone a lot of the time.

The more I walk this journey the more I understand the human race and how we work. You see sickness or weakness in this world is not really tolerated or convenient for a lot of people. And believe me it’s not fun or convenient for the person living it.

To constantly be in pain and riddled with medical challenges is frustrating and highly annoying for someone like me. I can literally go insane when I can’t get up and out on the water or up the mountain.

It’s tough to talk to anyone when you are operating on between 2 and 3 hours sleep a night and you feel like your days are a blur of pain and exhaustion. You become less tolerant and more irritated by mundane things people complain about.

To prevent being the snappy person with no filter and little tolerance for petty shit, you pull yourself away more and more as it’s just easier. This of course leaves you with a choice of lose your mind or put on your big girl panties and fight for your life.

Let me tell you that in the last 8 weeks I have had more moments of thinking I don’t know if I can do this anymore than I have ever had in my life. The blessing however is that I have an incredible faith. I believe as the Native Americans say “everything is always exactly how it should be”. With every challenge comes a great teaching.

As soon as I begin to slip down into woe is me mode I remind myself of the countless blessings in my life. Let me tell you that doing that does not come easy and being human I sometimes don’t get it right but I do give it my best go at all times.

Today I want to share with all of you who have friends or family with chronic diseases that sometimes all we need is just to know you are there and you care. We don’t need you to fix it, or find a cure we just need the comfort of knowing you care.

When we pull away or isolate ourselves it’s not a rejection it’s survival and focus. For me it’s a conscious decision as I am aware that I get short tempered and irritated quickly.

So as you start you day today do things you LOVE. Be kind to people you care about and be mindful and heartful of the battles people may be fighting and whatever do just LIVE in the moment.

4 thoughts on “Reflection and Gratitude

  1. You are a constant inspiration Mandy.You are so strong and oh so wise.I count my blessings every day just knowing you are my beloved friend.

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  2. I love reading this! Thank you for sharing. I also let go of a lot of things. Especially friendships that required too much energy and chose to simplify my life. On the other side, I am living a much lighter life now. But my core is strong. You are an inspiration Mandy! Keep your core strong, that’s all that matters. Lots of Love

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